At least one member of our illustrious CWC Team has become a world class authority on South America and Africa! I'm dying to hear if she plans a motorized trip to Mars!
I often howl at the antics about cooking on Jungle Red Writers—so today I'm sharing with you readers my own culinary experiences.
Pardon my lack of self-effacement in this post, but I couldn't wait any longer to share with you one aspect of my S.C.S.( Superb Culinary Skills!) in … The Gold Standard Cake!
Please don't feel diminished by my superior skills in the art of cake-baking. Feel free to copy my secrets here and share with your significant others, aunts, cousins, office colleagues and neighbors—the knowledge I am about to impart on this page!
You will need a 14 K. gold Mark Cross pen to make your personal copy.
At your local grocery, buy one box of Jiffy Golden Cake Mix. ( Cost = 95 cents.) www.jiffymix.com Sold by the Chelsea Milling Company, Box 460, Chelsea, MI, 48118-0460. "Quality Value Since 1930."
Dump the contents into a shiny steel bowl. ( Any old bowl will do...) Add one egg, slightly beaten, 1/2 cup of warm tap water, stir for 30 seconds. Then beat by hand for 3-4 minutes. ( About 300 strokes ) Grease cake pan with good quality olive oil or butter. ( Real butter, not Margarine.) Pour batter in pan. Bake in 350* oven for about a tad over 20 minutes.
When the cake is done, feel it with your finger or a cool table knife, then let it cool a bit. Cut yourself a generous slice, get a stiff drink and go watch TV, while you gloat over your labors over the hot stove!
If you so desire, you can add any of the following to the pre-cooked batter: canned peaches, pears or mild fruit; sweet-oriented spices, a big swig of bourbon, Scotch, or Cointreau, nuts, raisins, prunes, chocolate chips, etc.
Whatever strikes your fancy!
When you go to the TV, it is best if you watch a program with my arch-rival Martha Stewart. Today I did this and turned to Madame herself on Ch. 13!
Lo, she was making a gourmet layer cake! Decorated with meringue frosting—would you believe! All the while telling ME the difference between Swiss meringue and Italian meringue. (Lordy, I barely know what an American meringue is!!!)
She looked right at moi and said she was making an "Absolutely divine wedding cake..." in her words... "Very simply." !!! (Ms. S., you and I have vastly different definitions of Simply)
I finished off the crumbs on my paper plate and muttered, "Lady, if you saw THIS, you'd faint right through the screen of my TV!"
So, I rushed back to the kitchen and got another piece of my glorious Jiffy cake!
P.S. No, I've not yet been invited to bake on Ch. 13…or any other food channel… But, hope springs eternal... any day now…
P.P.S. BTW, word has spread of my culinary skills … I've heard from the Princess of Wales, Michelle Obama, Bill Clinton, Jaime Dimon ( who is my neighbor - one block and $39 million away from my building!!!), Jill Biden and Kim Jong-un … to send them my Jiffy Recipe!!!
Oh, yes, Ari Emmanuel of Wm Morris Endeavor has suggested I do a mystery novel based on poisoning by Jiffy Cake... and Grand Central Publishing wants me to create a tear-out folder for all their crime novels for 2015 with my Jiffy Ideas… and the current pub of Fanny Farmer is now coming out with 1,000 and One Delightful Frosting recipes for my Jiffy Cake!
So, there's light at the end of the tunnel, gang.
Here's a Toast to Jiffy Cake!!!
Thelma J. Straw, Culinary Genius in Manhattan
( That's all, folks… aw, shucks...)
Thelma Straw, you are a tonic, my friend! And I have to admit, this does sound like my kinda cake, so I have added Jiffy Golden Yellow Cake Mix to my grocery list and I thank you endlessly for sharing this closely held secret recipe. xxoo
ReplyDeleteLove your humor too, dear Kaye! Hugs to your dear doggy! tjs
ReplyDeleteWhat a great entertainer and story teller you are and now a baker of the Jiffy Golden, too!! You are a woman of many talents. I, too, love catching cake crumbs on a paper plate. Hmm, you have any secret recipes for these Holidays coming up? I hope you share!
ReplyDeleteMargaret, I shot my wad with the Jiffy! But, hey, I'm a writer!!! I can make up a bunch of recipes!!! But, eater-beware... tjs
DeleteYoo hoo, Thelma! Love this... I've used Jiffy pie crust and Jiffy cornbread mixes for years. They're SO cheap I've been afraid to look see what's in them. In general I'm a huge fan of cake mix cakes, though I confess I can taste the difference between a mix cake and one from scratch. There's that certain je ne sais quoi. And I really do not sais quoi.
ReplyDeleteHave you tried using the cake mix for an upside down cake? Layer brown sugar and butter and sliced apples or pears or peaches or pineapple... on the bottom of the cake tin, top with batter, and bake until done.
Thelma, What a great story! However you mistake me for someone who would actually bake a cake. Even a Jiffy Cake is too much trouble. I went to the farmers market in Union Square yesterday and bought a pie. That's my kind of baking.
ReplyDeleteBarbara Bent
Hallie, delighted to see an erudite Who's Who actually knows what a Jiffy IS! I'm not sure whether that makes you go up or down in my opinion!!! But, kidding aside, I fear an upside down cake is way beyond my pay grade or IQ! tjs
ReplyDeleteWell, Barbara, the very fact you were able to make a considered choice at the farmers market indicates you have the I.Q. to bake a Jiffy!
ReplyDeletetjs
Wow--you ARE a genius! That really works? I am trying it instantly..peaches? Really? AND bourbon. Hmm... trying it. And can you come over? xooo
ReplyDeleteHank, I'd love to come over, but my private jet is in the shop over in NewJjersey and my North Korean Chauffeur has the week off to be home with his folks. Maybe next year!!!!!!! Luv you, tjs
DeleteOH, is that how you make upside down cake? I've never tried that..but seems like it would work. WIth my peach and bourbon idea. ANd blueberries. Thelma! You are an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteThelma, I suffer from a congenital disease that prevents me from taking shortcuts in the kitchen. Brainwashed from birth, I actually now believe the joy I take in cooking the long way is genuine. If Martha had been born Italian, she would not have thought anything she does was anything special. And she would not have ever thought of turning it into a business. So she is a billionaire, and I am going back to the kitchen to stir the Bolognese and sing "O, Sole Mio" along with Pavarotti!
ReplyDeleteI like to cook, too. (My father used to date an Italian. Or maybe I was Italian in another life.) Bolognese is an awful lot of work. Tonight I'm making lentil soup.
DeleteBTW, I used to like to cook, but I have lived alone for about 40 years, with no kinfolk anywhere closer than 500 miles, and without family festive gatherings cooking fades away. When I DID cook I was pretty good, especially southern dishes. Also, growing up, my mother hated to cook - she took my kid bro et moi to the local Silver Slipper or Howard Johnson's - which we thought was great!!! But she did bake cakes for the local Methodist Ch. and won some prizes. Real cakes, not Jiffy mixes!!! tjs
Deleteoh, my goodness, Annamaria, I'm so sorry you have this terrible congenital disease . Maybe some tylenol would help? Or Tums???? Maybe we could hit on Martha for a donation to MWA?? Whaddya think? or, then maybe she does not know yet how to read. Some billionaires don't... Hey, I heard a beautiful voice singing O Sole Mio out on Park Ave. Maybe that was you????? tjs
ReplyDeleteThe Chelsea Milling Company is a family-owned company that has been making Jiffy mixes since the twenties. I saw an interview on TV with the big boss, whose name escapes me. They are beyond admirable, refusing to run expensive advertising, adulterate their product, sell out to big agribusiness, raise their prices unnecessarily, or ship the work out of the country. Yay, Jiffy! Their corn muffins are very good, too. Long may they prosper.
ReplyDeleteKate, that's great - I'll look for the corn muffin box... And your info on the big boss is great ! Thanks - I had a sneaking feeling this Jiffy stuff was first rate! it actually does taste authentic, more than the Duncans et co. tjs
DeleteWhen my husband and I were dating he told me I had the most extensive collection of take out menus he'd ever seen. I come from a generation of girls who had to take Home Economics. I did really poorly in sewing, somewhat better in cooking but excelled in the portion of the course where I had to READ and take the occasional test
ReplyDeleteSteph
Funny you mention take out menus. I used to have a great collection for my neighborhood here, but with the 2nd Ave Subway taking a zillion years to complete, places go in and out of business like the wind - and you never know what's ' open or shut! When they finish the subway in 4000 A.D. people here will just hop up to another planet, get a take out burger, then come home to eat it! tjs
ReplyDelete