I, Er, Couldn't Put it Down

You've probably heard about the words and phrases you can use to write a job reference for someone in whose suitability for employment you have no actual confidence. "I can recommend this person without qualification," you can say. "You'll be lucky to get him to work for you." I thought of that on Saturday, when I read Dear Abby's newspaper column. The writer complained that her best friend's husband had written a novel and self-published it on Amazon. It was terrible on many levels, as she discovered when they asked her to read it and submit a glowing five-star review.

Sometimes one finds oneself in such a predicament. Many people have brothers-in-law or childhood friends who produce terrible novels and then insist that all their relatives and childhood friends review them on Amazon. This happens quite frequently now that self-publishing is so easy.

Fortunately for me, my friends and acquaintances are all good writers, and my relatives don't write books. Not everyone is so lucky, however. As I was reading the Dear Abby column it struck me that it would be in the public interest to design an all-purpose review you can use if ever you are backed into a corner. Any additions you can think of will be welcome; post them in the comments. The five stars are optional, but your brother-in-law will love them.

[BOOK TITLE] * * * * *

I can recommend [BOOK TITLE] without qualification. [AUTHOR] has produced an astonishing work of fiction, one that will live in my memory for a long time. This is quite a book. I couldn't put it down. (Fast enough.)

[Mention the name of the main character, and as much of the plot as you could stand to read.]

A real page turner. If [BOOK TITLE] is the sort of thing you like, you're sure to like this book.

Kate Gallison